“I’m flawed, broken, defective.”
These are common sentiments voiced by individuals with autism. It’s very common for neurodivergent individuals to downplay the strengths they possess. This is very understandable after years of invalidation and feelings of shame. But, as an autism therapist, I am in an incredibly unique position to witness the profound strengths my neurodivergent clients have.
Here’s the thing, the term neurodiversity reflects a difference in the way the brain works. It is not a bad thing. In fact, I would argue that these differences should be celebrated and highlighted. That’s why I chose this topic to write on for my last blog of 2021. I want individuals with autism to go into 2022 understanding their unique personal strengths so they can capitalize on them in the new year.
Why Neurodivergent Individuals Downplay Their Strengths
As I mentioned, it’s extremely common for individuals with autism to be hard on themselves and downplay their strengths. Even when they are very good at something, they will likely pass it off as being nothing of significance. Or they will fixate on something they’re not as good at instead.
They do this for a variety of reasons, but it primarily stems from the invalidation and shame they’ve felt their entire lives. Others have told them that they’re wrong or that they need to do things differently for so long that they’ve internalized this message and adopted the belief that there’s something flawed about them. Then, to make matters worse, they take note of their neurotypical peers’ profiles which are much more even. They tend to be good at or at least proficient at many things, whereas individuals with autism tend to have spiky profiles and be good at a few select things while having deficits in other areas. This comparison further solidifies the fact that there’s something wrong.
If you can relate to this, please know that you’re not alone. As I mentioned, this is common. But the truth is, even if you aren’t a savant or doubly gifted, you still have strengths. It’s very possible to identify these and capitalize on them for your benefit.
If you’re not sure how to identify your strengths, try the activity below:
Identify one thing you love.
- Think about how you feel when you’re engaged in that activity.
- Connect with the body sensations you feel when you’re doing this activity. Do you feel more relaxed?
- Identify how you feel emotionally. Do you feel a sense of clarity or joy?
- Think about and make a list of five skills involved in participating in this activity
- For example creativity, artistic skill, problem-solving, abstract thinking, spatial awareness, musical ability, patience, perseverance, strategizing, concentration, leadership, analytical thinking, researching, pattern detection, attention to detail, and more.
- If you’re struggling, Google it! Or, ask others what skills they notice.
- For example creativity, artistic skill, problem-solving, abstract thinking, spatial awareness, musical ability, patience, perseverance, strategizing, concentration, leadership, analytical thinking, researching, pattern detection, attention to detail, and more.
- Sit with this knowledge for a few minutes. Appreciate the skills you have and allow yourself a moment to feel proud of your unique profile.
I recognize it may not be easy to find or feel comfortable celebrating your strengths. Truth be told, it’s uncomfortable for me too. So, I understand. But identifying your strengths is a powerful way to set yourself up for success. When you know what you’re good at, you can use that to your advantage. For example, when you know what your strengths or skills are, then you can look for careers that align with these strengths. This sets you up for maximum professional success.
Additionally, you can use these strengths to improve your mental health. If you’re feeling down or discouraged, try doing something you’re good at. Allow the feeling of mastery to wash over you and give you an added confidence boost to face your challenges.
Begin Online Autism Therapy or Autism Group Therapy in California
If you’re on the autism spectrum and looking for support in the new year, I encourage you to reach out to our autism therapy clinic in Palo Alto, CA to learn about our extensive autism therapy services. Our practice helps clients throughout the state of California. To get started, follow these steps:
- Contact us for a free phone consult.
- Like us on Facebook to stay updated on our practice.
- Sign up for our newsletter.
Or… Take an Autism E-Course
If you are not in California but are wanting support as an autistic individual or parent, there are options for you! Consider our sister website, Neurodiversity School. Check it out if you want to join an online community of neurodivergent peers. To get started, follow the following steps:
- Sign up for our newsletter
- Check your inbox for more information
- When the website launches, take the quiz and find out what course is right for you or your loved one!
Other Options at Open Doors Therapy for Individuals with Autism:
Our Palo Alto, CA-based Autism Therapy Clinic serves teens and adults on the autism spectrum. More specifically, our therapists support those who identify as high functioning, having Aspergers, and ASD traits. We are also proud to offer support to the families of those with an autism spectrum disorder.
Our services cover a wide range of challenges that individuals on the autism spectrum might experience. Our skilled autism therapists specialize in individual counseling for autistic teens and adults, parent counseling, group therapy, and countless social skills groups! Right now, we have groups for neurodiverse working professionals, college students with autistic traits, teens & caregivers, and gifted youth & caregivers. We also offer social skills groups for neurodiverse adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mothers group, and a summer social skills college transition training program for youth transitioning to college. Reach out to us for more information on our services or to schedule a consultation.
