
If you are a parent of a twice-exceptional child, I see you. I know you are tired. I know you feel undervalued and overworked. I know you sometimes feel like you’re doing everything wrong. But I also want you to know that you are amazing. You are managing so much every day, and often under very difficult circumstances. You are raising children who excel in ways that others do not, and who face unique challenges. You have a strength and resilience that is awe-inspiring.
But, it’s not always easy to recognize that. And it’s not always easy to trust your own voice when you know what’s best for your twice-exceptional child. In this blog, I want to talk about the importance of listening to yourself as a parent. I want to talk about how, sometimes, the best thing you can do for your child is to trust your own instincts.
Acknowledging all you do as a parent of a twice-exceptional student
Before we jump into my advice for you, let’s take a moment to recognize where you’re at now. You do so much for your family, do you know that? Do you acknowledge all the amazing things that you do? You are balancing so much all at once, and you likely don’t get much recognition for it. Take a moment to appreciate your ability to do everything that you do AND still keep up with the day-to-day business of keeping your family going. It’s important to remember that you are doing an amazing job, even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.
Understanding your inner critic
After hearing all these things, you may have found yourself thinking “That’s not me, I’m not that amazing parent.” Let’s talk about that inner critic. The one that tells you everything you’re doing is wrong, and that you’ll never be good enough. For many of us, this voice is loud and relentless. It can make it more difficult to take in and acknowledge all that you are doing. This is because the inner critic’s main purpose is to protect you. In its own way, it is trying to keep you safe.
Seeing the whole picture
You see, the inner critic is only one part of you. It’s not the whole picture. Other parts of you are equally as important, but often get overshadowed by the inner critic. I’m talking about the managerial parts, the firefighter parts, and the vulnerable parts.
The manager in you is the part that keeps everything organized and moving forward. It’s the part that makes sure all the bills are paid on time, and that everyone is where they’re supposed to be. The firefighter is the part that reacts when things go wrong. It’s the part that steps in to protect you when you’re feeling overwhelmed or under attack. And finally, the vulnerable part is the part that feels everything on a deep level. This is the part of you that cries at sad movies and feels joy on a more intense level than anyone else.
All these parts are important, and they all have a role to play in your life. But sometimes, these parts can get out of balance. When that happens, it can be difficult to trust your own instincts and know what’s best for you and your family.
So how do you find the balance? How do you listen to your inner voice and trust your instincts, even when the rest of the world is telling you that you’re wrong?
Caring for all parts of yourself
Let’s try an exercise: Get out a pen and paper if you’re a hands-on person, or take a deep breath and close your eyes. Now either draw or visualize yourself sitting at a large, round table. There are different parts of yourself sitting around the table. Your vulnerable parts, your firefighter parts, your manager parts. For so long you may have tried to avoid these parts of yourself or push them away. Instead, we need to try giving love to each of these parts and actually listening to them. They are communicating to you the burdens that you are carrying. If you listen, they’ll even tell you what it is that you need.
So, let’s communicate with them. Ask each part a question: “How are you feeling? Who or what is impacting you in life right now? Why are you coming up? What do you need from me?” Listen to their answers with an open mind and heart. This is not the time to judge yourself, but to listen and understand what it is that you need. This isn’t only a one-time exercise, it’s important to check in with yourself. Make it a practice to stay open and connected to all parts of yourself.
Handling the “other”
Now at this moment, you may feel like you’re more in touch with yourself and better understand your needs. But, it’s important you can also do this when other people or situations challenge your inner voice. You might be experiencing conflict with your spouse. Or, your family who have different opinions on how you should parent your child. That “firefighter” part of you may be criticizing their parenting. This may get internalized as another critical voice for your own inner critic!
How do you weather this additional storm when you’re always in that storm as a parent?
Why it’s important to listen to yourself
What I want you to know is that you aren’t actually born with an inner critic. That voice is created from the world around you. Your inner critic has good intentions, in the end, it’s rooted in protection from harm. It wants to make sure that you’re “perfect” so that no one can criticize or hurt you again. Unfortunately, this approach doesn’t actually help, even if the intention is good.
You don’t have to try and get rid of your inner critic. Instead, invite it to the table and give it a seat next to the other parts of yourself. When you do this, you’ll be better able to listen to your intuition and make decisions based on what you know and feel is right, rather than what your inner critic is telling you.
Begin Receiving Support for Children Who are Twice-Exceptional in Palo Alto, CA
You deserve support in finding the best ways to parent your twice-exceptional child. Our team of caring therapists would love to help you recognize all the amazing things you do. We are happy to offer both in-person services and online therapy in Illinois and California. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
- Reach out to our autism therapy practice to schedule a free phone consultation
- Meet with us for a 1-hour online intake meeting with an autism specialist. This helps us decide which services are best for you
- Begin working with an autism therapist
Other Services Offered with Open Doors Therapy
We understand there are many unique concerns that face parenting a twice-exceptional child. We are happy to offer a number of mental health services from California-based therapy practice. These services include support for those with Asperger’s, high functioning autism, undiagnosed autism traits, and more. We also offer individual therapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. In addition, we also offer social skills groups. These include college students with autistic traits, young adults with autism, neurodiverse adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mother’s group, and an online parent support group. Please feel free to visit our Autism Resources page for info and helpful resources. Learn more about our services by reaching out or visiting our blog today!