“But you don’t SEEM autistic!”
“Don’t all autistic people have sensory issues?”
“But you can make eye contact!”
“You have too many friends to be autistic!”
We all make assumptions based on our knowledge of a topic. The less knowledge we have, the more assumptions we make. This makes it difficult for the people around us who are different. This includes those who are neurodiverse adults or part of another diverse community. When we make assumptions, we lump a large group into one narrow definition of what it means to be a member of that group.
Combatting assumptions about neurodiverse people
We all have biases. Whether they are towards neurodiverse people or other marginalized groups, you have bias. When looking at the neurodiverse community, we have to ask ourselves a question. What steps can you take to give space to people to be themselves around you? We want the autistic people in our lives to be themselves with us, even when we don’t understand them. Here are four easy tips on how to squash assumptions about neurodiverse people.
Get curious! Ask questions about neurodiverse people.
Asking questions is powerful. It allows you to get to know someone on a deeper level and can show how much you care. Of course, this depends on the level of your relationship with another. If they are a random person on the street, don’t ask personal questions. Only ask if they are someone you care about and are willing to learn from.
Be sure to approach these conversations with curiosity and no judgment. Many times neurodiverse people have to defend the way their brain works. They go on the defensive when asked to explain how they see the world. Allow them space and time and give them a warning that you have some questions for them. You could even give them a list of questions for them to ponder on their own time. Giving them space to write out answers depending on how they communicate best.
Not all autistic people are the same!
Chances are you already know this. Yet we sometimes forget that people are different, even if they have the same diagnosis. Seeing people for who they are and not for who you assume them to be is powerful. It shows that you care and want to know who they are as an individual and not a trope that you see on TV shows.
Not everyone is neurotypical: Neurodivergence is more common than you think!
Not everyone is neurotypical! Shocker, I know. We often assume everyone around us is neurotypical because that’s what we’re used to. There are so many assumptions we make about neurodiverse people which aren’t fair. We assume that they have no social skills, are uncommunicative, and don’t know how to see the world in the “right” way.
First of all, assuming that there is a right way to view the world is not quite right. Because neurotypical people make up the bulk of the population, we assume everyone’s brain works like ours. Yet many autistic adults have strengths that are beyond our imagination. They may not be the stereotypical savant, but we can get some stuff done. Seeing people for their strengths makes you more aware of how different everyone is. Which, let’s be honest, is part of what makes our society so cool!
Give Grace and Be Patient
We have to give everyone around us grace. We’re all wandering through the muck of life together and everyone is dealing with something. When you have the weight of being neurodiverse in a neurotypical world, it’s exhausting. Give the autistic people in your life grace and patience as they work through how they approach things. Support them as they learn to embrace their strengths and not focus on their weaknesses!
A Note for Neurodiverse Adults
You’re assumed to be neurotypical until proven otherwise. How and when do you disclose?
Everyone assumes you’re neurotypical and puts expectations on you that you can’t fulfill. Your brain doesn’t work that way! It’s not a flaw, it’s a difference. There are times when you do need to disclose your status as an autistic person. For accommodations at work, or with close friends and family for example.
Disclosing your status as a neurodiverse person is difficult. The reactions range from shock to a knowing nod, verifying to you that your mask isn’t holding up so well. How, when, and if you disclose is completely up to you. Nobody needs to know private information except for those who need to know.
Masking isn’t always good or always bad
Everyone masks in some capacity. When you’re neurodiverse, it’s different. You feel like you have to put on your neurotypical face all the time. Someone may have said or inferred that you aren’t good enough because of the way your brain works.
Whatever reason you have behind masking, it’s not a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes we have to mask to make it in a neurotypical world. Learn to let down your guard and unmask around people you know and trust.
Begin Online Autism Therapy in Illinois or California
The fact of the matter is that people are going to make assumptions. It shouldn’t be that way and it isn’t fair but it is true. What matters is how you react to those assumptions and what you do to cope with them. Working with an online autism therapist can help you find your way past negative assumptions about who you are. To start your therapy journey with Open Doors Therapy, please follow these steps:
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Reach out to our autism therapy practice to schedule a free phone consultation
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Meet with us for a 1-hour online intake meeting with an autism specialist. This will help us decide which services will be the best fit for you.
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Begin online autism therapy.
Other Services Offered at Open Doors Therapy
Our online autism therapy clinic offers a variety of support for neurodiverse individuals in California and Illinois. We are happy to support individuals who identify as having Asperger’s, high functioning autism, undiagnosed autism traits, and more. Please visit our Autism Resources page for info and helpful resources. We also offers individual therapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. We also offer social skills groups. These are for college students with autistic traits, young adults with autism, neurodiverse adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mother’s group, and an online parent support group. Learn more about our services by reaching out or visiting our blog today!