Self-doubt is defined as: “A lack of faith in oneself: a feeling of doubt or uncertainty about one’s abilities, actions, etc.”
Self-doubt is a very common emotion. Everyone experiences it from time to time. However, individuals with autism experience self-doubt to an extreme degree due to trauma from their past experiences. The weight of self-doubt is a lot to carry. It can make life feel unbearable. Over time, self-doubt causes a variety of mental health concerns including PTSD, anxiety, depression, and more.
In this blog, I will explore how neurodivergent experiences lead to increased self-doubt. Then, I will discuss how individuals with autism can rebuild their self-esteem and self-confidence. It’s not a quick or a simple process, but it is possible. I hope that after reading this blog you will take the first step forward towards treating yourself with compassion and kindness.
Understanding the Origins of Self-Doubt
Self-doubt isn’t just something that pops up out of nowhere. It develops as a result of lived experiences. After being frequently rejected or invalidated, it’s only natural that you’d doubt yourself. When everyone else seems to have an easy time moving throughout their life, you may have wondered if there’s something inherently wrong with you.
Perhaps, others said things to you like “it’s not a big deal. Stop overreacting.” “Quit being so sensitive.” Or, “stop behaving this way. This hurt and made you feel rejected, and you begin to internalize this message. So you begin to wonder if they’re right? Maybe there is something wrong with you.
When you’re neurodivergent self-doubt often leads to meltdowns and burnout.
After years of self-doubt, you become conditioned to push away your needs to survive. This is when you begin to mask who you really are. You try to hide your unique autism traits from others in order to fit into the neurotypical mold that society perpetuates. But, you can only do that for so long. The toll of masking often leads to autism meltdowns and burnout. When this happens and burnout occurs it can derail your life for months or even years.
When you’re burnt out you essentially shut down. You stop trying new things and you don’t take chances. If something seems hard, you simply abandon it because you don’t want to face the possibility of being rejected or failing; it’s simply too painful.
Perhaps, you’ve tried therapy before, but you never felt like working on the skills you were taught. You doubt that you’ll do them right, so why bother? Even if you learned new skills, they may not actually help you or better your life. Then, things just seem to get worse.
Overcoming Self-Doubt
If you identify with the things I’ve written, you may be wondering what the fix is. You wonder if there’s hope and if you can rebuild your self-esteem. Here’s the thing, it’s not easy but you can do it.
Rebuilding your self-esteem requires learning how to offer yourself compassion and kindness. It comes from realizing that you don’t have to be perfect or mask your autism traits to get others to accept you.
It’s important that you learn to take small steps forward. When you’re on the autism spectrum it can be easy to think in absolutes. Everything is all or nothing. This means that if you attempt something hard and it goes poorly you’re left feeling very down, and it may lead to even more self-doubt. The good news is, you don’t have to jump right into doing hard things, you can break things up into smaller chunks which allows you to celebrate your successes along the way.
Here’s an example of taking small steps in a potentially challenging situation:
Your goal is to make new friends. Instead of pushing yourself to form friendships right away, break it down into manageable pieces; think about the steps you need to take to achieve your goal. For example, decide where you want to meet new people. Many individuals on the spectrum experience social anxiety, so choosing a location or a situation that facilitates a conversation about shared interests is important. Then, think about what would make you feel more comfortable in this anxiety-producing situation and prep for your conversation. Maybe you could practice with a friend or family member or come up with a list of open-ended questions that you can ask.
Note: If you find yourself feeling anxious, then take a step back and think about why you’re feeling this way. Once you know what’s holding you back, it’s easier to work through it and come up with strategies to help you feel more confident.
The next step is taking a leap of faith and talking to people you want to be friends with. It’s important to be okay with the result not being what you hoped it would be. In situations such as these, you may not see a result right away. So, you may have to wait. That’s okay, the real success here is simply that you tried and put yourself out there. Celebrate that! You’re one step closer to meeting your goal.
Moving Forward Towards Self-Confidence
Self-doubt can make life hard, but you don’t have to let it keep you from living a life that brings you joy. Working with a skilled therapist or getting support from an autism therapy group can help you work through the parts of your life that are causing this emotion and give you the tools to help you feel more confident moving forward. If you live in the state of California and are looking for an autism therapist, I encourage you to reach out to my counseling office, Open Doors Therapy. We offer a variety of autism therapy services.
Also, it can be very beneficial to work through feelings of self-doubt with a group of your neurodivergent peers. That’s where my autism e-course and community at Neurodiversity School comes in! I offer e-courses for neurodivergent individuals. These courses include a discussion forum where you can talk to people who identify in a similar way. This offers you a unique opportunity to connect with others who share similar life experiences.
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If you are not in California but are wanting support as an autistic individual or parent, there are options for you! Consider our sister website, Neurodiversity School. Check it out if you want to join an online community of neurodivergent peers. To get started, follow the following steps:
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Other Options at Open Doors Therapy for Individuals with Autism:
Our Palo Alto, CA-based Autism Therapy Clinic serves teens and adults on the autism spectrum. More specifically, our therapists support those who identify as high functioning, having Aspergers, and ASD traits. We are also proud to offer support to the families of those with an autism spectrum disorder.
Currently, our services are exclusively offered through online therapy in California. Our services cover a wide range of challenges that individuals on the autism spectrum might experience. Our skilled autism therapists specialize in individual counseling for autistic teens and adults, parent counseling, group therapy, and countless social skills groups! Right now, we have groups for neurodiverse working professionals, college students with autistic traits, teens & caregivers, and gifted youth & caregivers. We also offer social skills groups for neurodiverse adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mothers group, and a summer social skills college transition training program for youth transitioning to college. Reach out to us for more information on our services or to schedule a consultation.
