Recent events have highlighted a larger pattern of violence against the LGBTQ+ community. This pattern affects everyone in the community, including neurodiverse individuals who identify as LGBTQ+. Whether or not you have been “directly” impacted by violence or discrimination, the threat of violence undoubtedly impacts the way that LGBTQ+ people walk through the world.
We each respond to this threat in unique ways. And there is no “right” way to process or heal from the harm that this violence causes. However, holding space for whatever you may need to process these events is important. And if you’re an ally, it’s important to create space and support those around you.
Anytime we feel threatened, there is the possibility that we will go into “preservation” mode.
It’s our mind’s way of protecting us from threats around us. It’s why some LGBTQ+ individuals may consciously or unconsciously make their LGBTQ+ identity less “visible” in response to threats of violence. Many people may feel discouraged or fearful of going to spaces dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community.
For individuals who identify as both LGBTQ+ and neurodiverse, there may be an additional layer of complexity.
In addition to “hiding” your LGBTQ+ identity, you may feel the pressure to mask your neurodiverse traits as well. In an effort to fit into a neurotypical and hetero-cis-normative culture without the threat of violence, you may find yourself masking. However, we know that masking often has damaging effects on neurodiverse individuals. Masking can lead to shame, self-doubt, anxiety, and depression.
And while it may feel like the best way to “survive”, ultimately it’s not a healthy or effective way to cope with and process LGBTQ+ discrimination. This doesn’t mean you should feel shame for responding to violence in this way. It’s normal to react in a way that you feel will protect you, and as I mentioned there is no “right” way to respond.
But there are healthier ways to respond which will allow you to honor your experience while still honoring your LGBTQ+ and neurodiverse identity.
For example, seeking out and gaining support from a community is a great way to process your experiences with understanding from others who relate to what you’re going through. And remember, a community doesn’t always have to be a huge group of people, it can be 1 or 2 people that you feel safe and comfortable with. A community can provide you with space to process what you’re experiencing in an environment where others can validate your thoughts and feelings. However, it can also provide you with support and empowerment to show up as your authentic self.
Make sure to hold space for yourself in these moments. Know that you may not respond the same way that your friends do, and that’s okay.
As a neurodiverse individual, you may process and regulate your emotions differently. And that’s something to be honored and respected.
For instance, some people may want to talk through what they’re experiencing or gain comfort through physical affection. However, others find healing through reflection or stillness. This is especially true of neurodiverse individuals who may experience sensory sensitives.
Stillness sometimes is looked down upon as a lack of response or emotion, but it can be very regulating when our bodies and minds are feeling overwhelmed. It’s in those moments of stillness that we can often find grounding, clarity, and a sense of safety.
Remember to give yourself the space to process how you need to.
If you’re an LGBTQ+ ally, it’s important that you keep this in mind when supporting those around you.
Your loved ones may need someone to listen as they talk through what they’re feeling, but others may just want someone to sit and be still with them. You may feel pressure to say the right things, which is well-intentioned. However, the fear of saying the wrong thing shouldn’t deter you from showing up for the people you care for. Showing up and simply asking what people need of you at the moment is more impactful than you may realize.
Give your friends space to tell you what they may need. And if you’re needing support as an LGBTQ+ neurodiverse person, remember to honor and advocate for what you may need in this moment.
If you need support from others, that is okay. Seeking out support is an act of self-compassion and courage.
Violence against the LGBTQ+ community is a systemic issue. It will take a collective effort and advocacy to create long-lasting change. But this doesn’t mean you should neglect your needs at this moment. You are worthy of safety and care. You deserve to find the healing that is right for you, be it through stillness or support from others. We encourage you to reach out.
Gain support from an LGBTQ support group, neurodiverse-affirming groups, therapy, or coaching.
Having the space to explore your unique needs as a neurodiverse individual can be incredibly validating. Neurodiverse-affirming support groups, therapy, or coaching can give you a space where you can explore these topics and process your experiences. At Open Doors Therapy, we offer online groups dedicated to neurodiverse individuals who identify as LGBTQ+. These groups allow you to explore the ways your identities may intersect, learn how to show up authentically, and connect with others.
However, if you’re not sure whether a group is right for you, we also neurodiversity-affirming therapy to teens, adults, and their families located in California and Illinois. Our team also provides neurodiverse-affirming coaching services, which are open to people who are located outside of California and Illinois.
If you’re interested in learning more about our services and which may be the best for you, you can reach out to our autism therapy practice to schedule a free phone consultation.