Recognizing autism, particularly in women, can be a more challenging process. This can be because of how diverse the spectrum is. But also, women may display different autistic traits than their male counterparts. As a result, it may take longer for you to understand and identify your autism.
Another reason you may have struggled to know if you are autistic is because of the societal expectations we put on women. Women are often expected to be more social, empathetic, and communicative than men. As a result, you may have been taught directly or indirectly to hide any autistic traits you may have, leading to a delayed or missed diagnosis. Leaving you to ask yourself, “Am I autistic?”
Common Traits of Women with Autism
Autistic women, like anyone on the autism spectrum, can exhibit a wide range of traits. Each person with autism is unique. As a result, not every autistic woman will have the same traits. Nor will they exhibit them in the same way. But, there are some common traits that many autistic women experience. These include:
Sensory Sensitivities
Autistic women can have unique sensory sensitivities. For example, you may be hypersensitive to certain sounds, lights, textures, tastes, or smells. Leading you to avoid certain clothing materials, textures, or specific types of food. You may also be hypo-sensitive, meaning that you don’t respond to sensory input in the same way as others.
For example, you may not feel pain as intensely or seek out intense sensory experiences like spinning or rocking. This can make it challenging to navigate certain situations or environments, such as crowded places or loud events. It can overload your senses and cause extreme discomfort or even pain.
Social Interactions and Relationships
As with many people on the autism spectrum, you may struggle with social interactions and relationships. You may find it hard to understand social cues, make small talk, or maintain friendships. Others may interpret your behavior as aloof, disinterested, or even rude. But in reality, you may struggle with social nuances and non-verbal communication.
There is a generalized view that individuals with autism are loners or prefer to be alone. But like most people, autistic women have a desire for meaningful connections and relationships. Sometimes it’s easier to manage interactions and express yourself through solitary activities. Or, with a small group of close friends.
Special Interests and Routines
You may have noticed that you have a particular interest or obsession that you tend to focus on with intent. This is another common trait among autistic women and autistic individuals in general. It’s also common for routines and rituals to play a significant role in your life. For instance, you may struggle with changes in your routine. Or, have specific rituals that you follow daily.
These interests and routines can be a way for you to cope with the world around you and provide a sense of comfort and control. They can also be a source of joy and fulfillment. But, they can also be disruptive to your daily life and relationships if they become too rigid or all-consuming.
Communication Styles
Communication styles can vary from person to person. But, in general, autistic women and other autistic individuals may struggle with verbal and non-verbal communication. You may have difficulty expressing yourself, and understanding sarcasm or figurative language. Maintaining eye contact during conversations can be a struggle.
There may be difficulty expressing yourself verbally or understanding the emotions and intentions of others. This can lead to misunderstandings or feeling isolated and misunderstood. On the other hand, you may be very skilled at communicating through writing or other non-verbal means. Some autistic women excel in written communication due to their attention to detail and ability to organize thoughts.
Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation can be challenging for autistic individuals, including autistic women. You may experience intense emotions that are difficult to manage or express. Or you may struggle with identifying and understanding your emotions in the first place. For instance, instead of saying “I am angry,” you may feel physical sensations like tension, a racing heart, or hot flashes. This can lead to emotional outbursts or even shutdowns.
Additionally, many autistic women are very empathetic and sensitive to others’ emotions. This can make it challenging to distinguish between your own emotions and others. This can lead you to feel overwhelmed and exhausted in social situations. It’s essential to find healthy coping strategies to regulate your emotions and focus on self-care.
Recognizing If You Are a Women with Autism
If you resonate with some or all the traits listed above, it may be a sign that you are an autistic woman. But, autism is not something where “one size fits all”. Some questions to ask yourself and reflect on include:
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Have you always felt different from others?
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Do you experience intense or unique sensory experiences?
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How do you navigate social situations and relationships?
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What are your interests and routines like? Do they feel rigid or all-consuming?
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How do you communicate and process emotions?
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Do you find yourself responding to the world around you in a different way than most people?
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Have you ever been told that you are “too sensitive,” “aloof,” or “socially awkward”?
If you identify with many of these traits and have struggled in certain areas of your life, it may be worth seeking a professional evaluation for autism. Or, looking at more resources on autism and talking to other autistic individuals to learn more about your experiences. Remember, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to be an autistic woman. Learning how to embrace your unique traits and finding support can help you live a fulfilling and authentic life.
Seeking a Diagnosis, an Informal Diagnosis, and Support
Everyone’s experience with it is different, and no two autistic women are alike. And you do not need a formal diagnosis to identify as autistic. Whether you choose to seek a diagnosis or not is entirely up to you. Some women find that a formal diagnosis helps them better understand themselves and access support and resources. Others may prefer to self-identify and focus on finding coping strategies that work for them. Sometimes having a diagnosis may feel limiting or stigmatizing. It is essential to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision that feels right for you.
If You Do Decide to Seek a Diagnosis.
If you choose to seek a formal diagnosis, it’s essential to find the right healthcare provider or autism specialist. One who has experience working with autistic individuals and fully understands neurodiversity. They will be able to provide a thorough evaluation and support you through the process. It may also be helpful to have a loved one or trusted friend present with you during appointments for emotional support and advocacy.
Alternatively, You May Choose to Informally Diagnose Yourself.
Choosing to stick with your informal diagnosis based on your own research and self-reflection is also valid. Obtaining this informal diagnosis can occur through self-assessment tools, identifying with autistic traits, talking with other autistics, or seeking therapy. This route allows you to have more control over your own narrative and how you choose to identify. No matter which path you choose, remember that your self-identification and experiences are valid.
Am I Alone in the Universe?
One of the most common feelings among autistic individuals, including autistic women, is a sense of isolation and feeling misunderstood. This can be due to struggling with social interactions and communication, as well as feeling different from those around you. For autistic women, it can be due to not seeing representation or understanding of their unique experiences in their peers, media, or society in general.
But, you’re not alone. There are other autistic women in this world and possibly even in your orbit. As an autistic woman, you’ve been taught to mask your traits and hide your true self. This can make it challenging to connect with others authentically. So, other autistic women are masking as well, making it challenging to identify them. But with the rise of online communities and resources, it’s becoming easier to find and connect with other women with autism.
Finding Your Neurodiverse or Autistic Community
Finding individuals who understand and relate to your experiences can be very validating and empowering. This can be a fellow autistic woman, an autism support group, or a neurodiverse community. It can even be an autism therapist, a group of individuals who share your special interest, or an online forum. Whatever it may be, finding a supportive network can help you feel less alone and more understood.
Sharing Your Experiences
Connecting with other autistic individuals also allows for the opportunity to share your experiences and learn from others. This can be through sharing stories, tips, coping strategies, or simply having someone who understands to talk to. It’s a way to validate your experiences and find a sense of belonging within the autism community. This can pave the way for self-appreciation and increased self-awareness. Your experiences matter and you do hard work every day to navigate this world. Giving yourself the credit you deserve can be life-changing.
Embracing Your Neurodiversity
Your brain is wired differently, and that is something to celebrate. Autism is a natural variation of human neurology and contributes to the diversity of our world. Embracing your neurodiversity means acknowledging and embracing your unique strengths and traits as an autistic woman. Your neurodiversity is a unique and valuable part of who you are, and it’s something to be proud of.
Learning how to advocate for yourself and connect with the wider neurodivergent community can also be empowering. Knowing your rights as an autistic individual and finding support can help you navigate through life’s challenges. And by connecting with others who share similar experiences, you may find a sense of belonging and validation that can positively impact your self-esteem.
Learn More About Women with Autism in San Diego and Beyond
If you’re looking for more information and resources on autism, there are many organizations and support groups available. Some may be specific to women with autism, while others cater to the neurodivergent community as a whole. Do some research and reach out to see what options are available in your area. At Open Doors Therapy, we offer resources and support for autistic individuals. Our therapists offer a range of services that are tailored to the individual needs of neurodiverse individuals. If you’re interested in learning more about our team, our services, and which may be right for you, you can follow these steps to gain more information:
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Reach out to our autism therapy practice and schedule a free phone consultation.
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Learn more about our team
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Embrace your unique strengths as an autistic woman and celebrate your neurodiversity!
Other Services Offered with Open Doors Therapy
At Open Doors Therapy, we proudly serve the San Diego community and beyond. We strive to provide resources, support, and advocacy for individuals on the autism spectrum and their loved ones. This is why our team offers a variety of services so we can help individuals on the spectrum and their loved ones. Our California-based practice is happy to offer a variety of services that include: individual therapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. In addition, we also offer social skills groups. These include college students with autistic traits, young adults with autism, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mother’s group, and an online parent support group. Please feel free to visit our Autism Resources page for info and helpful resources. Learn more about our services by reaching out or visiting our blog today!
About Tasha Oswald Ph.D. and Her Team
Dr. Tasha Oswald, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist (#30423) and the Founder of Open Doors Therapy and Neurodiversity School. With over 15 years of experience in developmental and clinical psychology, Dr. Oswald and her team specialize in providing compassionate therapy for neurodiverse individuals, particularly autistic women who are on a journey of self-discovery. Open Doors Therapy offers a safe and nurturing environment to embrace neurodiversity, discover unique strengths, and navigate life’s challenges with invaluable support and guidance.
