Conflict in relationships is inevitable as difficult conversations will come up. These conversations can lead to more conflict instead of resolution if you and your partner have trouble understanding each other. Your neurodiverse partner may not catch your social and emotional cues and may not notice their responses are hurting you
Or, you may not be as direct with your partner and then they may feel abandoned or left out. Your partner may not catch your social and emotional cues and may not notice their responses are hurting you. Or, you may not be as direct with your partner and then they may feel abandoned or left out.
Learning how to navigate these conversations with your neurodiverse partner can take some time to figure out as you both learn to understand each other and build trust. But, there are some tips that can help you both better communicate with each other during these times of conflict.
Tune Into When You Feel Hurt Inside
When you find yourself feeling hurt, abandoned, or any other negative emotion inside, let your partner know. Make a plan for what to do when you feel like this. This can be asking your partner a question if you didn’t understand something. Or even just turning to give a hug if they appear to be having a tough time. Having these kinds of plans in place can help protect each other’s space while still keeping the conversation going.
For instance, if your partner becomes overwhelmed during the conversation, have a plan in place that allows them to take a break and come back when they are ready. This way, both partners are still communicating but also allowing each other their individual space. It also allows for the conversation to progress, rather than getting stuck in a place of distress.
Find Ways to Turn Toward Your Neurodiverse Partner
When moments of tension arise, there are also ways to turn toward each other in order to move forward. Emotions can start to run high then the conversation can become much more heated. When this happens it is important to remember that playfulness can release some of the tension. This can be done through playful touches, humorous remarks, or even a gentle smile.
Playful gestures like these can help ease both partners. Discussing with your partner what cues to give each other to show that you are hurt is also a great idea. This way, it can be easier to make sure the message is clear without adding additional stress to the conversation.
Playfulness is an Anchor in Relationships for Safety
When you’re upset or hurt and struggling to communicate it, humor or playfulness can help you express yourself. You may give your partner a look or even make a joke to let them know that their words have hurt you. Or, your partner may give you a knowing smile when they see that you’re struggling. These small moments of playfulness are important anchors in relationships because they provide a safe place to land when emotions run high.
Find a Language to Communicate Effectively
Creating a language that both you and your partner can understand is key. If your partner is very blunt and you can easily be hurt by their words, come up with language to use together that can explain this to your partner. This language could be as simple as “I feel a little hurt when you say that” or something more specific such as “I feel like I lost connection with you when you said that.” It can also be specific facial expressions or cues that you can use when the conversation becomes too heavy.
For example, if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed during a conversation, have an agreed-upon signal that both of you can use to take a break and come back when you’re both ready. You both can take the time to process your emotions and then come back together feeling a bit more relaxed.
Space Might be Needed
Many neurodiverse individuals struggle with sensory sensitivities and during heated discussions, your partner may need space. It can be easy to interpret your autistic partner asking for space as a sign of dismissal or rejection, however, that may not be the case. They may need time to process and take in what has been said and discuss those points in a calmer manner.
Your partner may have also been overwhelmed by the situation. Their needing space isn’t because they don’t care about you, but rather because they need time to reset. This way they can be more receptive to what is being discussed when they come back.
Remember That Conflict Is Normal
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship and understanding how to navigate it is essential for a successful relationship. It’s healthy to have disagreements as long as both partners are respectful and understanding of each other’s emotions. When it comes to communicating with a neurodiverse partner, taking some time to learn each other’s language and communication styles can help make conversations easier and more successful.
Reflecting after a conflict is also a great way for both partners to learn from the experience. Take time to ask each other about how you both feel and what could have been done differently to make it better. This reflection can help both partners to better understand each other’s feelings and create a stronger bond between the two of you.
Begin Working With a Neurodiverse Couples Therapist in Palo Alto, CA
You and your partner can find ways to navigate your conversations and interactions better together. But, if you feel like you need more support, consider working with a neurodiverse-affirming therapist or coach. At Open Doors Therapy, we offer a range of services that are tailored to the individual needs of neurodiverse individuals and couples. If you’re interested in learning more about our team, our services, and which may be right for your family, you can follow these steps to gain more information:
- Reach out to our autism therapy practice and schedule a free phone consultation.
- Learn more about us, our services, and which may be best for you or your child.
- Begin communicating with your partner in a more effective and play-filled way!
Other Services Offered with Open Doors Therapy
Our team understands you may need support with more than just neurodiverse and ways to support communication. This is why our California-based practice is happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health. We also offer individual therapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. In addition, we also offer social skills groups. These include college students with autistic traits, young adults with autism, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mother’s group, and an online parent support group. Please feel free to visit our Autism Resources page for info and helpful resources. Learn more about our services by reaching out or visiting our blog today!
