Autistic burnout is a result of unforeseen or unrecognized triggers. This can lead to an overwhelming state of mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. For women with autism, navigating burnout can be particularly challenging as they often face additional pressures and expectations from society and their families. Especially, during the holiday season.
When the unnoticed triggers pile up, it can result in a full-blown burnout. This can be caused by various factors such as work stress, interpersonal conflicts, or unprocessed trauma. But, for women with autism, burnout may also be triggered by the pressure to socialize or please others. In this blog, we will explore the factors that contribute to autistic burnout in women. Plus, how to recognize and manage it.
Understanding Autistic Burnout
Autistic burnout can be described as a state of emotional exhaustion, cognitive fatigue, and physical depletion. It is often accompanied by irritability, overreacting, and difficulty coping with everyday tasks. This can lead to a loss of interest and motivation in once enjoyable activities. For women on the spectrum, burnout can also cause difficulty in managing sensory overload and social demands. This can further add to the feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted.
As a result, many women may struggle to maintain their daily routines and responsibilities. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, as well as a fear of failure. It is important to recognize that autistic burnout is not a character flaw or weakness. It is a very real consequence of trying to fit into a neurotypical world without the necessary support and understanding.
Unrecognized and Unnoticed Triggers of Autistic Burnout
One of the biggest challenges when it comes to autistic burnout is identifying the triggers. These are often things that you don’t consciously recognize or acknowledge. They are always there at a low enough level that you put up with them and move on. This can include things like sensory overload, feeling overwhelmed by social interactions, or struggling with change in routine. But they still have a significant impact on your well-being.
For many women with autism, these unnoticed triggers may stem from their daily challenges. For instance, women with autism are held to specific standards and expectations by society. Society expects women to not be outspoken, to conform, and to function like neurotypical individuals. This can lead to constant masking or camouflaging behaviors. The act of constantly trying to fit in and meet societal expectations can lead to people pleasing and ignoring one’s own needs. In time, this can eventually lead to burnout.
During the burnout process, your self-talk may become more dismissive and critical, telling you to “suck it up” or “just deal with it”. It adds to the self-pressure and makes it difficult to seek help or make necessary changes. When there is dismissive self-talk, it is an indicator of the build-up to burnout.
Autistic Burnout During the Holidays
The holiday season is known for its bright lights, festive decorations, and joyful gatherings. However, for many women with autism, these holiday traditions can be overwhelming and exhausting. The pressure to socialize and attend family and work gatherings can cause high levels of anxiety and stress. On top of that, the sensory overload from bright lights, loud music, and large crowds can be particularly challenging for those on the spectrum.
During this time, your people-pleasing tendencies may kick in, leading you to say yes to everything and everyone. You may feel obligated to meet the expectations of family and friends, even at the expense of your own well-being. This can eventually lead to burnout as you push yourself beyond your limits.
Finding a Balance
It is important to find a balance between meeting the expectations of others and taking care of yourself. This can be especially challenging during the holiday season. Especially when there is pressure from society, loved ones, coworkers, and even yourself to be social, cheerful, and productive. But, it is crucial to remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. When you’re burnt out you won’t be able to spend time with your loved ones or be present in their company. Because if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have the energy or mental capacity to engage with others.
Setting Boundaries
Holiday gatherings are known to have many parts to them, making them last longer than usual. This can quickly lead to sensory overload and exhaustion for you as an autistic woman. Acknowledging that your people-pleasing tendencies may make it difficult to say no. But, it is important to set boundaries for yourself. This could mean staying only for 1 hour instead of 3, taking breaks in a quieter area during social interactions, or declining certain invitations.
One side of you may want to please others and stay longer, while the other side knows you need to take care of yourself. You might hear “Why didn’t you stay longer?” or “You should have come to the after-party too”. But it is important to remember that your well-being and mental health should take priority. You can also communicate with your loved ones beforehand about your needs and limitations, so they understand and respect your boundaries.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Self-care is crucial in managing and preventing burnout. Make sure to focus on activities that you find calming and rejuvenating. This can be spending time alone, engaging in a hobby, or going for a walk. It is also important to recognize when you need to take breaks and step away from social interactions, even if it means missing out on certain events. Because if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to fully enjoy the holiday season or be present for your loved ones.
When you’re taken too far and suffering from burnout, this can present as a meltdown, irritability, and overreacting. But that is because you were taken too far without the necessary support and understanding. Being intentional and thinking through these things before the holidays or going to parties can help you stay balanced.
You Need to Figure Out How to Proceed
As an autistic woman, navigating burnout can be challenging. But figuring out how to proceed whether it’s your job being stressful, a particular coworker, the holidays, or any other aspect of life is crucial. The first step is recognizing that this isn’t always a simple fix. If it were that easy, it wouldn’t have led to burnout in the first place. But recognizing these triggers and factors in your life is a crucial step. For example, your job is overwhelming you with a lack of neurodiversity support, but you need that paycheck. This can lead to a feeling of being trapped, stuck, and helpless.
To help you move forward, recognizing these triggers and factors is a start. You can get it out of your mind and process it by journaling or talking to someone you trust. This can help you make sense of the situation and see potential options. It also allows you to share your thoughts with someone else, which can provide new perspectives and emotional support. Sometimes, you may not need advice but rather just a space to talk through your feelings and gain clarity.
Finding Clarity
Keeping everything bottled up inside can feel like a vacuum seal in your mind, crushing all the thoughts together and making it difficult to see clearly. But by opening up to someone else or even just writing it down, you can start to see the separate elements. You can explore them with more clarity. This is especially important for neurodivergent brains which can lead to black-and-white thinking and exacerbate the feeling of being trapped. But by opening up, you can start to see all the shades of gray, and the colors, and explore them without judgment or pressure.
Seek Support
As an autistic woman, you may notice that when you get to a stage of feeling overwhelmed, you tend to go into shutdown mode and not ask for help. This can be a result of past experiences where asking for help didn’t lead to the desired outcome or worse consequences. But turning outward and seeking support can help you address the root causes of your burnout and prevent it from happening in the future.
You might find yourself on a guilt trip because you’re taking breaks or taking time for self-care. The language in your brain may consist of “I’m supposed to be working on this right now” or “I have to attend this event even if it drains me”. This is a sign that you have an unmet need and your inner wisdom is trying to communicate with you.
Your Different Inner-Parts
It may feel like a battle between different parts of yourself. The people-pleasing part that wants to meet expectations. The guilt-tripping part that wants you to avoid self-care for societal approval. And the avoidant part that just doesn’t want to deal with it all. But instead of deeming one right or wrong, try to understand the intention behind each part. A therapist who is knowledgeable about neurodiversity and the complexities of being an autistic woman can help you identify and communicate with these inner parts. This is known as Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, where you learn to understand and balance your different parts.
So when the guilt-tripping part says “You should be working right now”, you can listen to its message and kindly communicate with it. You can say, “I hear your concern, but I need a break right now to prevent burnout.” This way, you are not pushing away any part of yourself but instead gaining space to understand their intentions. At face value, these parts may seem malicious or unhelpful, but there is something beautiful lying underneath.
They all care about you and want to keep you safe. The people-pleasing part cares about you and wants you to do well in life. The guilt-tripping part is trying to make sure you keep on track, but you may not realize the impact it has on your mental health. Then, the avoidant part is trying to protect you from potential harm or overstimulation. By tuning into our core and understanding what we need, whether it’s rest, trust, love, or any other emotion, we can better balance these parts and keep them in harmony.
Don’t Lean Too Hard Into One Strategy
It can be hard to accept that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to the inner parts of yourself. But trying to push them away or ignore them can only lead to further burnout and exacerbate the situation. Instead, look for a balance that works for you. This could be a combination of therapy, and self-care practices like journaling or art. It can also include setting boundaries in your personal and professional life. It’s important to understand that trauma can also be a cause of burnout for autistic individuals.
If you have unprocessed trauma, it’s crucial to address it and seek therapy or support to process it. Avoidance may seem like a way to deal with trauma, but it only drains us in the long run. Instead, finding healthy coping mechanisms and seeking support can help us avoid avoiding things that nourish us. Speaking to someone, such as a therapist specializing in neurodiversity, can help you navigate these complex emotions and experiences. Remember, seeking support is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of taking care of yourself and prioritizing your well-being.
Autistic Burnout is a Real and Valid Experience for Many Women with Autism in LA
Autistic burnout is a real and valid experience that many women with autism in LA face. It is not just a momentary feeling of exhaustion or stress. But rather a long-term state of physical, mental, and emotional fatigue caused by ongoing demands and challenges. This can be especially prevalent for neurodivergent individuals living in a fast-paced and overstimulating city like LA. At Open Doors Therapy, we understand the unique challenges faced by autistic individuals in LA. This is why we offer specialized therapy services to support you. Our therapists are specifically trained to address neurodiversity and can help you navigate the complexities of being a woman with autism in a fast-paced city. Whether it’s coping with autistic burnout, managing relationships, or navigating social situations, our therapists can provide the support and tools you need to thrive. You can follow these steps to gain more information:
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Reach out to our autism therapy practice and schedule a free phone consultation.
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Learn more about our team
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Manage and prevent autistic burnout!
Other Services Offered with Open Doors Therapy
At Open Doors Therapy, we proudly serve the Los Angeles community with a range of therapy services tailored to meet your unique needs. We know autistic burnout is not the only challenge you may face as an autistic woman in LA. As a result, we are here to support you on your journey. This is why our team offers a variety of services so we can help individuals on the spectrum and their loved ones. Our California-based practice is happy to offer a variety of services that include: individual therapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. In addition, we also offer social skills groups. These include college students with autistic traits, young adults with autism, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mother’s group, and an online parent support group. Please feel free to visit our Autism Resources page for info and helpful resources. Learn more about our services by reaching out or visiting our blog today!
About Tasha Oswald Ph.D. and Her Team
Dr. Tasha Oswald, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist (#30423) and the Founder of Open Doors Therapy and Neurodiversity School. With over 15 years of experience in developmental and clinical psychology, Dr. Oswald and her compassionate team specialize in supporting autistic women who are struggling with autistic burnout. They understand the unique strengths and challenges faced by these individuals, providing a safe and nurturing environment for embracing neurodiversity and fostering personal growth. Open Doors Therapy offers invaluable support and guidance to navigate the challenges of life, empowering women with autism on their unique journeys of self-discovery.
