For many neurodiverse LGBTQ+ people, navigating your identity can be a challenge.
You may have grown up feeling like you couldn’t trust your instincts. The pressure from society and your family to conform to neurotypical AND heteronormative standards can be overwhelming. Because of this, it’s common for neurodiverse LGBTQ+ people to question themselves. Or, dismiss their identity as a “phase.” And to be honest, few people in the neurodiverse community talk about this challenge. Which can make navigating your identity even more difficult.
But, it’s not impossible. Not even close!
Many neurodiverse adults and teenagers identify as LGBTQIA+.
In fact, research suggests that individuals on the autism spectrum are actually more likely to identify as LGBTQ compared to neurotypical individuals. So you are certainly not alone in this journey. This is why we’re focusing this blog on the challenges of navigating your LGBTQ+ identity as a neurodiverse person. We’ll also share our advice on how you can explore your identity in a way that feels right for you.
First, let’s address why it can be so challenging to explore your LGBTQIA+ identity when you’re on the autism spectrum.
For many people, exploring, understanding, and feeling affirmed in their LGBTQ+ identity doesn’t come easy. You may have been raised to believe that being LGBTQ+ was “wrong”. This may have been done by family members, religious leaders, and teachers. Or, even the culture you were raised in. When you started questioning or expressing your identity, your parents may have dismissed it as a “phase”. Or, shut down your exploration altogether.You may have actually been raised in an accepting environment. But, you were taught that being LGBTQ+ looked a certain way. And that if you didn’t fit into that mold, you must not “actually be” LGBTQ+. LGBTQ+ representation has come a long way. But, it still has a ways to go! As a result, you may have never seen your unique identity represented in the world around you.
For all these reasons, many LGBTQ+ teens and adults have a hard time navigating their thoughts and feelings around their identity.
This is especially true for neurodiverse individuals.
People who are both on the autism and LGBTQ+ spectrum often experience what’s called the “double minority effect.” The double minority effect is when an individual faces challenges or discrimination because of two different identities they hold. In this case, being LGBTQ+ and neurodiverse.
As a neurodiverse person, you may find yourself masking your neurodiverse traits to “fit in” as an autistic person in a neurotypical world.
Because of this, you may have found yourself masking your LGBTQ+ identity too. When you started questioning your identity, you may have quickly shut down that exploration. It may have felt too scary or overwhelming. Or, you may have simply dismissed it as a curiosity.
And if you did understand your identity, you may have not given yourself space to explore it.
See, in a similar way that neurodiversity exists on a spectrum, so does LGBTQ+ identity. There is no one way to be LGBTQIA+. And for many LGBTQ+ people, their identity is constantly evolving and changing. As a teenager, you may have felt like the term “bisexual” or “pansexual” fit you best. Then, you may have had an experience that led you to the identity of “gay” or “lesbian”. Or, the other way around!
Not to mention, gender identity! Many people start to “unravel” their sexual orientation before starting to consider their gender identity. For some LGBTQ+ people, their gender identity is fluid. Meaning, that it changes over time. For others, they may identify as transgender or non-binary and their gender identity is fixed.
The point is, there are endless possibilities when it comes to LGBTQ+ identity.
But, if you have trouble with “black or white” thinking (which many neurodiverse people do) you may not give yourself the space to explore these possibilities. Which can leave you with the feeling that you don’t truly understand yourself.For some, the challenge isn’t black or white thinking. Rather, it’s the “choice paralysis” that comes with these limited possibilities. Some neurodiverse individuals can become overwhelmed when presented with too many choices. And as a result, the idea of exploring your LGBTQIA+ identity when there are an infinite number of identities to choose from can feel daunting, to say the least.
So, how can you navigate your LGBTQ+ identity as an autistic person?
As a therapist, I’ve worked with countless neurodiverse teens and adults who are LGBTQ+. And while your experience will always be unique to you, I do have a few pieces of advice.
First, I would encourage you to learn a bit more about LGBTQ+ identity.
There is so much out there to learn, and ways to learn it. I would suggest choosing a medium that interests you the most. That may be reading LGBTQ+ blogs, books, or articles. Perhaps that’s watching LGBTQ+ films or TV shows. Or, it could be watching animated shows or reading graphic novels.
You can also learn more through LGBTQ+ groups, such as support groups or even clubs if you’re in college or high school. Perhaps even a group that is dedicated to people who are both LGBTQ+ and neurodiverse.
This can help you find a representation of LGBTQ+ identities and experiences that mirror your own. It can also help to expand your perspective and understanding of what it means to be LGBTQ+.
But, if you struggle with “choice paralysis”, remember to take it slow. You don’t have to read or see every single piece of LGBTQ+ media out there. Go at a pace that feels comfortable for you.
I also would encourage you to remember that you don’t have to “figure out” your identity right away!
Just because you’re exploring your LGBTQ+ identity, doesn’t mean you have to put a label on it.
Identity labels can be helpful for some LGBTQ+ people. They can provide a sense of community and belonging. But, for others, labels can be confining or feel like they take away your individuality.
So, if you find that labels work for you- great! If not, that’s perfectly okay too.
Remember that for many people their LGBTQ+ identity is a constant journey, not a destination.
Give yourself space to explore your identity, and evolve. This doesn’t mean that how you feel now is a “phase”. Not in the least! Giving yourself room to explore is a way of recognizing the nuance and complexity of gender and sexuality.
Lastly, it’s important to keep in mind that your identity and journey are unique to you!
Much like there is no “right way” to be neurodiverse, there is no “right” way to be gay, pansexual, transgender, or nonbinary. And there is no one way to explore, label, or express your identity! Your experiences are yours and yours alone.But that doesn’t mean that you have to go through this on your own!
If you’re struggling to navigate your LGBTQ+ identity, or just want to talk to someone who gets it, you may want to consider reaching out for support. This can be a therapist who specializes in working with neurodiverse individuals who are LGBTQ+. Or, it can be talking to other neurodiverse individuals who share your experience!
At Open Doors Therapy, all our therapists are LGBTQ+ affirming, educated, and allied. We offer online therapy to teens and adults living in California and Illinois.
We also offer an online group for neurodiverse individuals who identify (or are exploring their identity) as LGBTQ+
In this group, you can learn more about yourself and how your identities overlap among others who understand your experiences. Since this group is offered online, you can take part in a way that feels comfortable and safe for you. If you’re interested in joining, you can…
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Contact our team to schedule a free consultation call and see if the group is the right fit for you.
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Join our group for LGBTQ+ individuals on the autism spectrum and learn more about yourself!
Other Services Offered with Open Doors Therapy
Our team understands the unique challenges you may face as a neurodiverse individual that identifies as LGBTQ+. We are happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health including individual therapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. In addition, we also offer social skills groups. These groups include college students with autistic traits, young adults with autism, neurodiverse adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mother’s group, and an online parent support group. You can learn more about our service by reading our blog, visiting our resources page, or contacting us today!
