Online Social Skills Groups are Still as Powerful as In-Person for Adults and Teens
Welcome back to my blog series about online therapy for neurodiverse adults and teens. In my last blog, I talked about the 6 benefits of online group therapy for high-functioning adults with autism and teens on the autism spectrum. In this blog, I wanted to discuss the effectiveness of online autism therapy.
As an autism therapist during this pandemic, I have shifted all my mental health services online. So, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the skills we work on in my social skills groups, and how they lend themselves to online therapy.
Key Elements of a Social Skills Group at Open Doors Therapy:
Online Groups Therapy Provides Support and Safety
In my groups, neurodiverse individuals share their personal stories. They disclose personal information. So, it's very important they feel accepted and understood by their neurodiverse group members. The other group members can relate to their experiences. Feeling accepted helps my clients feel safe to be themselves. They feel safe to share their pain around being neurodiverse in a world that feels like it's made for neurotypical people. Group therapy is a journey of both self-exploration and social connection. I find that my online therapy groups effectively provide adults and teens with autism support and safety.Social Skills Groups Offer Validation
Validation is key to making group members feel accepted. It is a skill we cultivate in group therapy to improve personal and professional relationships. But, let me describe what I mean by validation.
What is Validation?
To validate someone means you accept that their inner experiences (feelings, sensations, beliefs) exist, and are true for them. You might think this means you have to agree with their perspective. In fact, you can still validate someone and yet not agree with their perspective. Their experience may even be really different from your own.
When you validate someone, you accept the person’s subjective experiences. Notice I say subjective. I am not talking about facts. I am talking about their own unique inner experiences. If your friend says she is cold, you might reply, “I can see how you would feel cold.” Your words are accepting of her inner subjective experience and validating. You might not feel cold at all, and that’s ok, too. Your experience is also valid.
The Opposite of Validation: Invalidation
The polar opposite of validation is invalidation. To invalidate someone means you deny or dismiss that their inner experience exists for them or is valid. So, you communicate to them that their inner experience is wrong, bad, or insignificant. You might even tell them that their experience should be like your own. So when your friend says she is cold, you might say “It’s not cold!” or “You’re overreacting!” That would definitely invalidate her experience. Because feeling cold is a subjective experience. There is no right or wrong. So, saying it is not cold, is like telling your friend she is wrong.
Teens on the Spectrum and Adults with Autism are Often Invalidated
I believe neurodiverse people are often invalidated by neurotypical people. A neurodiverse person might have sensory sensitivities, so they might share, “This clothing is itchy”, “That light is too bright”, or “It’s too noisy here.” And, if the other person says their experience by saying “It’s not that bad” or “You’re too sensitive," it invalidates the neurodiverse person's point of view.
Many people on the autism spectrum experience a great deal of anxiety in social situations. Repeated bad social experiences may have left them feeling uncomfortable. They may feel scared or even terrified of certain social interactions. For example, meeting new people, group interactions, or presentations may be really hard for someone with ASD. These negative social situations may have led them to question their own abilities or self-worth. So, they might label themself socially awkward, or deep down think they are defective or worthless.
So if a neurodiverse person shares how scared they are of a social situation, it is incredibly invalidating for them to hear “It’s not that big of a deal”. Sometimes, a loved one might even try to give a pep talk and say, “You can do it!” But, this can also feel invalidating because they don't feel understood.
Neurodiverse people are often invalidated unintentionally by family, teachers, classmates, coworkers, and media. They are given the message that their inner experience is wrong or different and that they should change and act more “typical”.
The Power of Validation for Teens and Adults with Autism
If I ask my clients with autism how they feel when they are invalidated, they say something like “bad, sad, angry, insignificant, worthless, or wrong”. But when I ask my clients how they feel when they are actually validated. Almost all of them say something like “good, accepted, and more confident!”
They acknowledge that they feel safer with people who validate their inner experience. And, they do not feel safe with people who invalidate their subjective experience. Who would? No one likes to feel invalidated. It’s awful! Each invalidating comment can eat away at your sense of self. Then, you become confused with who you are. And you wonder if it’s even ok to be who you are?
Knowing How Bad Invalidation Feels, Motivates Neurodivese People to Validate Others
My clients on the autism spectrum want to feel validated. They know the profound pain of invalidation. My clients really want to feel safe in relationships and feel heard. This causes them to want to learn how to validate and empathize with others.
In a group therapy setting, my clients on the autism spectrum often realize that they unintentionally invalidate people. And, this may hurt their feelings. This self-realization often motivates them to grow their superpowers of validation and empathy. I truly believe that validation and empathy are superpowers! Using them can transform relationships in incredible ways.
Online Groups Support Learning How to Validate Others
In online group therapy, my clients with autism get explicit instruction on ways to validate and empathize with others. Many clients on the spectrum benefit from this explicit instruction. Group therapy also gives them the opportunity to practice these skills in a safe environment. My group members don’t see learning these skills as putting on an act. They know what it feels like to feel validated and they want to do this for others to create emotional safety and trust in their relationships. In my social skills groups, we use the peer consultation model to help neurodiverse adults and teens learn and apply validation and empathy.
Online Social Skills Groups can Work for Individuals on the Autism Spectrum
So, you might have some concerns about online group therapy. Let me see if I can answer those questions:
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Can my online group therapy clients feel safe, supported, and validated by their neurodiverse group members? The answer is, “Definitely!”
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Do my clients in online groups grow in self-awareness and feel more confident about their identity and neurodiversity. The answer is, “Yes, online group therapy can cultivate self-growth and confidence.”
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Is it possible for individuals with autism to learn and practice skills of validation and empathy in online therapy groups? The answer is a big “YES!”
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Can adults and teens with autism use these skills to build emotional intimacy in their relationships, deepen friendships, and improve working relationships? Yes!
I believe in the healing power of group therapy for neurodiverse individuals. And, I believe my online groups can be just as powerful as in-person groups.
The Future Direction of Online Social Skills Groups in California at Open Doors Therapy
I look forward to making online therapy groups a staple of my private practice. I think there is a great need for online therapy services for individuals on the autism spectrum. It's exciting to think people throughout California can access autism services without having to live near my South Bay area private practice. As of now, our online therapy services are available to people all across the state of California, including Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Diego, other cities in California, and even rural parts of California.
I am thrilled to be offering my Summer Social Skills College Group through online video therapy sessions this summer. I think it will be an awesome experience for neurodiverse college students! They will have the opportunity to meet other neurodiverse young adults from across the state. It's a great reminder for college students with autism traits to feel like they are not alone. They have support!
Begin Online Group Therapy for Neurodiverse Adults and Teens with Autism in California:
If you or your child are neurodiverse and looking for online group therapy in California, we can help! Our autism therapists offer social skills groups for individuals with high-functioning autism via online therapy in California. To begin group therapy, please follow these steps:
- Schedule a free 30-minute consultation. We will help you to find an online group that will best meet your unique needs.
- Like Open Doors Therapy on Facebook. By doing this, you stay up-to-date on our online autism therapy services and the groups we're offering.
- Sign up to receive my autism newsletter. This contains helpful information about living on the Autism Spectrum.
Other Autism Services at Open Doors Therapy:
Our South Bay Area autism therapy clinic helps high-functioning adults and teens with autism. This includes individuals who identify as having high-functioning autism, Asperger's, undiagnosed autism traits, etc. We also provide support for autism parents and caregivers.
Our therapy clinic offers many autism counseling services including parent counseling, individual counseling for autistic teens and adults, and group therapy. Also, our we are offering several different social skills groups online for gifted youth & caregivers, college students with autistic traits, neurodiverse working professionals, autistic adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a summer social skills college transition training program for youth transitioning to college, a mothers group, and an online parent support group. Please consider reaching out to our South Bay Area counseling office for more information on how we can best serve you.
About the Author:
Dr. Tasha Oswald is a trained developmental and clinical psychologist. And, she is the founder and director of Open Doors Therapy, a private practice specializing in autism therapy services in the South Bay Area, near San Francisco, CA. Dr. Oswald specializes in helping neurodiverse teens and adults and facilitating social skills groups.
