As a neurodivergent individual, asking for help can be frightening. Throughout your life you may have reached out to others for help, only to be shut down, misunderstood, or invalidated. Or perhaps, the people in your life have tried to help you, but the advice they offer is not neurotypical and therefore, not necessarily appropriate for someone on the autism spectrum. Over time, you’ve stopped asking for help because it’s just easier to keep your struggles to yourself. But, this means you’re not getting your needs met and continue to struggle. Today, I want to address this issue and talk about some ways you can feel more confident reaching out for help.
Why It’s So Hard to Ask for Help as a Neurodivergent Individual
Neurotypical society makes it hard to ask for help. So often we’re given the message that we must “suck it up” or “pull ourselves up by the bootstraps.” We’re expected to just know how to solve our own problems. But this is not helpful, especially to individuals on the autism spectrum.
Asking for help leaves you vulnerable to the possibility of being rejected or invalidated. So often individuals who are not on the spectrum fail to understand the issues you’re experiencing. Unfortunately, instead of trying to empathize and understand, they brush it off and say things like “stop being so sensitive.” But, that is incredibly hurtful when you’re neurodivergent. It minimizes the struggles you’re experiencing and can make you feel like a burden to others.
When you ask for help only to be rejected, it’s only natural that you would develop a sense of shame about being different. You may wonder “why do others seem to know how to navigate this situation? Why is it so easy for them and so hard for me?” Then, you begin to wonder if something is inherently wrong with you. This shame leads to embarrassment when new questions pop up. You feel like it’s no longer safe to ask questions. So instead of asking them, you bottle them up and push them away.
It’s frustrating to ask for help and not receive the kind of support you need as an individual with autism.
Perhaps, you have people in your life who try to emphasize with your struggles, you feel safe asking them for support. However, the advice or help they give you doesn’t work in your particular situation because it comes from a neurotypical perspective. This can be incredibly frustrating. You find it’s easier not to ask them for help because it ultimately doesn’t do any good.
Now, you’re reluctant to ask for help or support from others. Even the people you love and respect. You’ve shut down. Your mind is a jumbled mess of uncomfortable feelings that you can’t make sense of. It would be wonderful to have their help, but you may risk being hurt when you ask for it. So, what do you do? You feel anxious, depressed, and lonely. It seems like there’s no feasible solution to this problem.
You deserve support. Here’s how you can feel more comfortable asking for help.
But, guess what? You can move forward from the trauma of your past pain and feel comfortable reaching out to others for support. It is hard. And, it requires you to do some self-work. But, the end result is worth it. You won’t have to deal with your struggles alone and you can receive the support you’ve wanted for so long.
It’s important to understand the pain of rejection has impacted you as an individual on the autism spectrum
The first step in this process is doing self-work. When you do this it is necessary to dig into the trauma of your past and process the hurt you felt when you asked for help and were rejected. You will have to address the things that made you feel unsafe reaching out for support.
It is NOT your fault that others didn’t understand you and the issues you were experiencing. It is NOT your fault that they didn’t give you the help and compassion you needed during tough times. But, it is crucial that you acknowledge this in order to move forward. As an autism therapist, I recommend my clients do some self-compassion work to learn how to validate their own experiences and the effect it has had on their life.
Where to Turn for Support as a Neurodivergent Individual
A therapist who understands neurodiversity or a social skills group is a great place to get support and help as you work through past pain and deal with challenges in the present. They understand the struggles you’re experiencing and have the skills to help you in a way that will maximize your chances of success.
Consider an e-learning platform tailored to meet the needs of individuals with autism!
But, if you don’t have access to quality neurodivergent resources in your area, don’t fret. You don’t have to live without the support you truly deserve. There are online autism resources available to support you. My sister business, Neurodiversity School offers you an online community of neurodivergent peers and courses to support your continued personal growth. I hope you will consider checking it out.
Begin Autism Therapy in California
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Or… Take an Autism E-Course
If you are not in California but are wanting support as an autistic individual or parent, there are options for you as well! Consider our sister website, Neurodiversity School. Check it out if you want to join an online community of neurodivergent peers. To get started, follow the following steps:
- Sign up for our newsletter
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- When the website launches, take the quiz and find out what course is right for you or your loved one!
Other Options at Open Doors Therapy for Individuals with Autism:
Our Palo Alto, CA-based Autism Therapy Clinic serves teens and adults on the autism spectrum. More specifically, our therapists support those who identify as high functioning, having Aspergers, and ASD traits. We are also proud to offer support to the families of those with an autism spectrum disorder.
Currently, our services are exclusively offered through online therapy in California. Our services cover a wide range of challenges that individuals on the autism spectrum might experience. Our skilled autism therapists specialize in individual counseling for autistic teens and adults, parent counseling, group therapy, and countless social skills groups! Right now, we have groups for neurodiverse working professionals, college students with autistic traits, teens & caregivers, and gifted youth & caregivers. We also offer social skills groups for neurodiverse adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mothers group, and a summer social skills college transition training program for youth transitioning to college. Reach out to us for more information on our services or to schedule a consultation.
