Welcome back to our two-part blog series on autism and depression. Women on the autism spectrum frequently experience depression. This is largely due to the loneliness that comes from feeling like they don’t fit in or belong with other girls or women their age. After a while, they internalize this pain and begin to think that there’s something wrong with them and that’s why they don’t fit in.
Women who are on the autism spectrum often are misdiagnosed or diagnosed later in life because they are so good at masking their autism traits. Often, autism traits and meltdowns look similar to the symptoms of other mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, ADHD, and Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). So the underlying autism is missed or passed off as other mental health issues. Many women with autism state that they’ve been prescribed psychiatric medication for these concerns only to find them ultimately unhelpful, which leads to further confusion and disappointment. Many women share that this misdiagnosis simply solidified the fact that no one really understood how they felt. This led them to feel very alone which ultimately led to depression.
Common symptoms of depression in women include:
- Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness
- Negativity or pessimism
- Guilt, shame, or feelings of worthlessness
- Helplessness or ambivalence towards self-care or independent living skills
- Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
- Lack of energy or constantly feeling tired
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Eating too much or too little
- Restlessness
- Physical discomfort: pain, digestive issues, and headaches
- Thoughts of death, self-harm, or suicide attempts*
*Please note that if you or your child are experiencing thoughts of death, self-harm, or have attempted suicide, it is important to seek medical care right away. Please visit your local emergency room or call or chat with the national suicide prevention lifeline.
The Pain Of Feeling Different
Many women who have autism have early memories of feeling like they don’t belong. Like no matter how hard they try, there’s always some piece of the puzzle that’s missing. This is what’s keeping them from fitting in with their peers. Some say it feels like being an alien, others describe it as a feeling like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.
Often around middle school, a teen girl’s sense of identity begins to develop and their friendships shift. This is when pre-teens begin to truly notice and become uncomfortable with their differences. Unfortunately, they are often bullied as a result of their neurodiversity and this makes them feel different which in turn, leads to loneliness, sadness, and depression.
Furthermore, many teen girls with autism can’t relate to their female peers. They don’t enjoy the things the other girls their age do. For example, they may not be interested in dating, gossip, sharing secrets, or their appearance. They actually may relate better to boys. Sometimes, even boys who are younger or developmentally immature for their age. Emotionally boys typically develop later than girls their age. Therefore, teen girls with autism may feel more comfortable in these friendships because they aren’t plagued with the same emotional drama.
Autism, Depression, and Masking
Many of the teen girls and women with autism share that they try and mask their autism traits so others don’t notice. Perhaps, you’ve tried to do this too, but, after a couple or a few hours of doing this, you are totally worn out. Your social battery has been drained and you meltdown. Often these meltdowns can make you feel raw like all your emotions are heightened. Or perhaps, you’re left feeling guilty and embarrassed about your behavior. This embarrassment leads you to isolate and withdraw from people who witnessed the meltdown. After a while, you may become depressed and feel like life is out of control or hopeless.
Suggestions for Coping with Autism and Depression
You may be wondering what you can do? After all, living with the symptoms of depression makes life feel very bleak and hopeless. First and foremost, know that it’s okay to admit you’re struggling. Let your doctors and therapist or therapy team know what’s going on in your life. You do not have to suffer in silence or attempt to mask your depression.
Your doctor or psychiatrist may recommend medication. This can be helpful in treating depression. However, we recommend you also consider talk therapy with a therapist who is also an autism expert. Seeing a therapist who understands neurodiversity can make a world of difference in successfully treating your depression.
One thing we hope you will strongly consider is joining a support group of other autistic teens or women with autism. Group therapy can be a wonderful place to not only learn social skills and distress tolerance skills. It is also a place to build friendships with people who can truly empathize with your experiences as a neurodiverse woman.
Begin Online Autism Therapy in California:
The autism therapists at Open Doors Therapy are experts in the field of neurodiversity. So, they are skilled at helping neurodiverse individuals overcome issues such as anxiety and depression. To begin online autism therapy or online autism group therapy in California, please follow these steps:
- Contact us for a free 30-minute phone consultation using this link. You will meet with one of our autism therapists.
- Like us on Facebook. On our page, we post useful information about our autism therapy clinic.
- Sign up to receive our newsletter.
Autism Therapy Services offered at Open Doors Therapy:
Our autism therapy clinic located in the South Bay Area serves teens and adults on the autism spectrum. We help high functioning individuals who identify as having Aspergers, high functioning autism, undiagnosed autism traits, and their families.
Right now, we are providing all our autism counseling services online. Our autism therapists offer a variety of autism services including individual counseling for autistic teens and adults, parent counseling, and group therapy. Also, we run several different social skills groups for neurodiverse working professionals, college students with autistic traits, gifted youth & caregivers, autistic adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a summer social skills college transition training program for youth transitioning to college, teens & caregivers, and a mothers group. Contact our autism therapy office for more information on our services or to schedule a consultation.
About the Author
Dr. Tasha Oswald is a trained developmental and clinical psychologist. She is also is the founder and director of Open Doors Therapy, a private practice specializing in autism therapy services in the South Bay Area, near San Francisco, CA. Dr. Oswald specializes in helping neurodiverse teens and adults and facilitating social skills groups.
