You’re Not Alone, Other Autistic Women Are Just Masking Too
You feel as if you are the only autistic, neurodiverse woman in the sea of neurotypical women. At times, you feel alone and isolated. This could be because of your later life diagnosis and you’re coming to terms with what that means. You grew up not knowing what your autistic traits were but that you needed to start masking them to “fit in”.
More than likely this is the case with other autistic women. They’re out there. However, they may not have found their diagnosis yet or they are masking to fit in. In this blog, I want to address that you may feel alone but you are not. There are other autistic women just like you who may have also been or are still masking their traits to fit in with neurotypical society.
Your Parents Didn’t Know
If you’re receiving a later-in-life diagnosis, your parents probably did not know that you had autism. Meaning, that they probably misunderstood a lot of your autistic traits during your childhood, and maybe even now. During this time, your parents likely dismissed or invalidated your inner experiences because they could not relate to them. Your brain wiring cannot be easily understood by them and because of that, they likely tried steering you towards how they deemed was “normal” behavior. Common things they may have said were “You’re being too sensitive.” or “You’re overreacting.” This can be the starting point of where masking comes into play.
Young Girls Start to Mask Their Autistic Traits to Fit In
Hearing dismissive and invalidating comments from parents, peers, and other people around can push girls to start masking at a young age in order to fit in and please those same people. Basically, masking allows you to stand out less so that you won’t be picked on, bullied, or isolated. But this comes with a cost – your identity gets driven underground. If that happens to other autistic girls in your community, you won’t see them.
They are Wearing a Mask.
This can then give you a distorted perception that there aren’t any other autistic girls and women out there. It can make you feel as if you are the only one struggling. But you’re not alone, and it’s important to remember that other autistic women have or are still masking their traits in order to fit into the neurotypical world. It is a coping mechanism that you and many other autistic women can relate to. It’s a struggle that must be acknowledged and accepted.
Finding Your Autistic Community
So how do you find community? How do you connect with these other autistic women if they are wearing a mask? One step is finding your own voice as an autistic woman. Because, if you are a beacon, other autistic girls and women will be able to find you.
However, if You are Masking, They Cannot.
After years of learning that masking is a way to keep yourself safe, it may seem like an uncomfortable idea to remove the mask in all settings or with all people. But, depending on your comfort level, you might remove it in some settings that you find yourself in, or with some people.
Another great way to find community is by looking for an online community of autistic women to connect and find commonalities. Or if you feel more comfortable with in-person communities, there are plenty of groups specifically for neurodiverse individuals, and even some specifically tailored to autistic women.
Ultimately, you are not alone in this experience and there are other autistic women out there to connect with. Finding a community can be more difficult since autistic women can still mask their traits, but it is possible. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and finding your own voice as an autistic woman can make all the difference. It can help you find other like-minded individuals who understand your struggle and can provide acceptance, support, and understanding.
Interested in Therapy for Neurodiverse Adults?
You’re not alone. There are other autistic women out there and even in your community. It can be difficult to find them, but by becoming a beacon and finding your own voice, you can start to bring yourself closer to an accepting community of other neurodiverse individuals. At Open Doors Therapy, we offer a range of services that are tailored to the individual needs of neurodiverse individuals. If you’re interested in learning more about our team, our services, and which may be right for you, you can follow these steps to gain more information:
- Reach out to our autism therapy practice and schedule a free phone consultation.
- Learn more about our services and which may be best for you or your child
- Begin learning how to slowly drop the mask and embrace your neurodiverse identity!
Other Services Offered with Open Doors Therapy
Our team understands masking is harmful to your identity but helps to protect you from judgment. We are here to help you not only find your own voice as an autistic woman but also work towards creating a safe space to honor your identity and help you find community. This is why our California-based practice is happy to offer a variety of services in support of your mental health. We also offer individual therapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. In addition, we also offer social skills groups. These include college students with autistic traits, young adults with autism, women who identify as neurodiverse, a mother’s group, and an online parent support group. Please feel free to visit our Autism Resources page for info and helpful resources. Learn more about our services by reaching out or visiting our blog today!!
