Blog Post: Date Night Ideas for Neurodiverse Adults in Palo Alto, CA 94306

Hello! Welcome back to my blog series Dating for Neurodiverse Adults. Last week we discussed the importance of preferred activities. Today, with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I wanted to talk about date night ideas. These ideas will work for autistic people all over the world. We will include some suggestions unique to the San Francisco Bay Area, South Bay, SF peninsula, and Silicon Valley.

In my last blog post, I talked about the importance of the 3:1 ratio for dating. That means for every 4 dates, 3 of those dates should involve doing an activity that you both enjoy. Then, 1 of the 4 dates should involve an activity preferred by only one partner.

Planning a Date as an Autistic Adult

First, decide if you want your Valentine’s date to involve an activity you both enjoy, or if you want to honor your partner by doing an activity they prefer. Why would you even choose to do an activity they prefer? Well, check out my prior article to understand the reason behind this and why you might value doing it.

Option 1: Do an activity you and your partner both prefer

Valentine’s Day is an extra specia

young autistic couple holding a pillow saying 'love' outside. This is a date idea for neurodiverse adults in Palo Alto, CA 95306 who attend a social skills group at Open Doors Therapy

l time of the year. This is the time when we express our love and appreciation for our partner. That means, doing something extra special to show how much you care. For example, if you both enjoy drawing and art, you could do a painting and wine class together. Or, you could try to do a new art medium, such as glass blowing or pottery class. Often, some museums, art galleries, or other venues will have a special collection you could visit on or around Valentine’s Day.

Option 2: Do an activity that your partner prefers

You can honor your partner on Valentine’s Day by doing something special you know they will value and enjoy. This may be challenging for you, but my first blog in this series discusses tips for tolerating activities they enjoy and you do not. For instance, if your partner is into gardening, you could do a “plant night”. This is a very popular thing in the Bay Area! Together, you can create and decorate succulent arrangements or small terrariums.

One thing to note: if you’re doing something you have little knowledge about, you likely won’t be great at it. And that is OK!

Remember, it’s not about competition or excellence. This is all about having fun and sharing a moment with your partner. Take it as an opportunity to try something new without any need for perfection. Many people with autism have perfectionist tendencies. If you do, try to be mindful of them. Push against this tendency and allow your creation to be, without forcing it to be perfect. This will allow you and your partner to enjoy the experience together! It will be freeing and fun. Come into this new situation with the intention to have fun and take a night off from perfection.

Date Night Ideas for Neurodiverse Adults in the Bay Area, According to Your Interests

For foodies:

Do a food tour or take a cooking class together,
If you’re wanting to be really extravagant, pay for a chef to come to your home and prepare a special meal.

For couples who love to travel:

Book a night away at a B&B,
Take a weekend trip somewhere new. You could find a great B&B in Napa Valley.

For nature lovers:

Choose an outdoor activity. For example, you could pack a picnic packed with your favorite gourmet foods and desserts.
Find where the natural beauty lies in your area, and go there!
Consider taking a day or weekend trip to visit the ocean, the Redwoods, or ski resorts.

For history buffs:

Go to a museum you haven’t been to yet.
For instance, in San Jose, you could visit the Egyptian museum!

For sports enthusiasts:

Go to a sporting event and support your favorite team.
For example, you could get tickets to a Warriors game!

For a budget-conscious couple:

Visit Groupon and check out their deals on activities near you.

Still looking for ideas?

Google “Best 10 Date Night Ideas for Valentine’s 2020”

Support for Neurodiverse Adults

Remember, when you want to have a quality date with your partner, you might have to compromise. You can both enjoy yourself if expectations are well-managed ahead of time.

For more information about how to take care of yourself during dates, see my tips in the previous post. If you are still looking for support learning and practicing the social skills you may need to be successful on your dates, consider joining a social skills group at Open Doors Therapy in Palo Alto. During group therapy, you will learn new social skills from an autism therapist. Then, you will have the opportunity to practice these skills in a supportive environment with other neurodiverse adults.

Social Skills Groups at Open Doors Therapy in the South Bay Area/Silicon Valley

Working Professionals Group:

During the Working Professional’s Group, we discuss the challenges high-functioning autistic adults often have in their careers. During this group, we discuss relationships, how to handle miscommunications, non-verbal communication, listening skills, perspective-taking, empathizing, and unwritten social rules. The skills learned in this group are useful both in and outside work. Learning these skills will also help on dates!

Autistic Adult Group

Our Adult Group for high-functioning autistic adults addresses the difficulties adults on the spectrum have in their day-to-day life. We focus on building relationships with others. Like the Working Professionals Group, we discuss relationships, how to handle miscommunications, non-verbal communication, listening skills, perspective-taking, empathizing, and unwritten social rules.

Neurodiverse College Group

Our College Group includes high-functioning Millenials with autistic traits who attend a college or a university in or around the South Bay Area. This group addresses the unique challenges that students with autism have. Also, we also talk about building relationships. The skills we learn regarding relationships will help college-age adults make friends, and it will help them while they are dating.

Autistic Women’s Group

Our Women’s Group is for high-functioning adult neurodiverse women. In this group, we talk about what it’s like to be an autistic woman. The Women’s Group helps women with autistic traits learn how to manage stress, address life and relationship problems, improve communication skills, make friends, build relationships, set and achieve goals, and problem-solve. These useful social skills can be applied to making new friends and romantic relationships.

If you’re unsure which group would be a good fit for you, please call our clinic and schedule a consultation call. During this call, we will discuss our group therapy options and determine which group will best meet your needs.

Join a Social Skills Group for Neurodiverse Adults in Palo Alto, CA:

If you are a neurodiverse adult looking for autism resources, we have a group for you. Our social skills groups led by an autism therapist will give you useful tools to help you navigate challenging social situations, like dating! To join an autism support group at our counseling clinic in the South Bay Area, follow these three steps:

Schedule a free 30-minute phone consultation using this link. This consultation will help us determine your individual needs.
Like me on Facebook and stay up-to-date on the autism services our office provides.
Sign up to receive my newsletter for useful information about living with Autism.

Stay tuned for next week’s post all about how friendships are the best base for lasting love! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Other Autism Services for Neurodiverse Adults at Open Doors Therapy

Our Palo Alto/Bay Area autism counseling clinic serves high functioning individuals who have autistic traits. This includes individuals who identify as having Asperger’s, high functioning autism, undiagnosed autism traits, etc. and their families. We are proud to offer a variety of autism services and autism resources including individual counseling for autistic teens and adults, parent counseling, and group therapy. Additionally, our autism therapists offer several different social skills groups for neurodiverse working professionals, college students with autistic traits , gifted youth & caregivers , autistic adults, women who identify as neurodiverse, a summer social skills college transition training program for youth transitioning to college, teens & caregivers, and a mothers group. Contact our Palo Alto autism therapy clinic to learn more and schedule a free consultation.

About the Author

Dr. Tasha Oswald is a trained developmental and clinical psychologist. She is the founder and director of Open Doors Therapy, a private practice in Palo Alto, near San Francisco, CA. She specializes in

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Dating for Neurodiverse Adults: Date Night Ideas for Adults with Autism from a Bay Area Therapist